My Best Friend Essay Sample: How Do People Choose Best Buddies?


If you are writing an essay for a college course, a great paper to explore is ‘My Best Friend Essay’. Everybody has friends, and although some might say they acquired their friends almost instantly, others often wonder why it’s so difficult to make new ones. This sample essay will explore the crucial link between friendship and psychology. 

mine, yours & ours

Although it might sometimes seem so, best friends are not created overnight. Friendship is developed as the result of years of nurtured attention, social bonding, and shared activities. More importantly, the way your brain is wired may most significantly impact those with whom you choose to spend your time. There are several important layers involved when it comes to the science–and often, the art–of choosing and maintaining close friends.

The most basic element of choosing the best buddy is figuring out those with whom you most regularly interact. Studies have found that friendship relationships most frequently form between people who see each other a lot. For example, in a study on friendships within an apartment building, researchers have found that tenants are more likely to become friends with someone living on the same floor than with someone living on a different one.  In addition, this explains why you often become friends with co-workers. You see them more often, and as a result, get to know them better.

So why do you love your work BFF, but continue to hate that another annoying coworker? It’s simple. Simply interacting with a person does not make them destined to be your best friend, but they must also support you as a person. Do you have a powerful sense of humor? Do you enjoy running, or yoga? Are you a mother? Friendships are most often formed between those who have a similar social identity to you, and who support that identity. In other words, your best friends make you feel good about yourself. They engage in similar activities, have similar tastes and tendencies, and make you happy.

Although the last two descriptors may apply to many of your friends, the next apply only to those who make it into the inner circle–those who can be called your best friends. Best friends are created when the path is crossed from acquaintance to confidence. If you have ever opened up to a friend, you know what this means. Using the phrase, “Can I talk to you for a minute?” implies a conversation that will contain both depth and inherent reciprocity. When you share your deepest feelings or problems and receive a thoughtful, applicable response, you automatically form a  stronger bond with your friend.

Knowing what to say and when to say is the reason why same-sex friendships are far more common than mixed-sex friendships. Because of how your brain is wired and the differences between genders, it may feel easier to open up to your best female friend instead of your husband. There needs to be a give-and-take of intimacy, an interaction when it feels like you have been truly heard, and you have also listened to the other side of the conversation.

Friends are not born overnight, but they can be lost almost as quickly. Almost every social psychologist maintains that as important as it is for us to make friends, it’s equally important for us to be able to maintain them. Friends must be kept up with–whether that’s through face-to-face visits, phone calls, or written cards. Friendships are vital to your mental and physical health, and let’s face it–they make life a whole lot easier to deal with. That’s simply how our brains are wired!


  1. Albert, R. S., & Brigante, T. R. (1962, 02). The Psychology of Friendship Relations: Social Factors. The Journal of Social Psychology, 56(1), 33-47. doi:10.1080/00224545.1962.9919371
  2. Bukowski, W. M., Newcomb, A. F., & Hartup, W. W. (1998). The company they keep: Friendships in childhood and adolescence. Cambridge University Press.
  3. Erdley, C. A., & Day, H. J. (2016, 12). Friendship in Childhood and Adolescence. The Psychology of Friendship, 3-20. doi:10.1093/acprof:oso/9780190222024.003.0001
  4. Hojjat, M., & Moyer, A. (2017). The psychology of friendship. Oxford University Press.
  5. Morin, A. (2015, April 21). 5 Scientific Reasons You Should Choose Your Friends Carefully. Retrieved from
  6. Newcomb, A. F., & Bagwell, C. L. (1995). Children’s friendship relations: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 117(2), 306-347. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.117.2.306
  7. Wright, P. H. (1969, 06). A model and a technique for studies of friendship. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 5(3), 295-309. doi:10.1016/0022-1031(69)90055-9

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